Forgiveness

      There have been many times in our lives where someone has wronged us and we have to “forgive and forget”. Most of those times it feels almost impossible to even think of forgiving said person and it usually takes a long time to actually find peace with the matter. To help us, Sunny Sea Gold gives us 4 reasons why we should forgive the other person.

1. For your own sake- Forgiveness isn’t for the other person, usually they couldn’t give a care in the world as to whether you had forgiven them. Forgiveness is to benefit your own health and well-being. There was even a workshop in Northern Ireland for woman who lost their children to sectarian violence and it was found that they felt less hurt and the depression scores fell by 60%. It even showed long term effects and the woman reported being less stressed.
2. Aim for empathy- If you can understand, even just a little bit as to why the other person hurt you, your pain will begin to subside. There’s even a technique to help you empathize with who hurt you. It is called the empty chair dialogue; it is where you sit with an empty chair and you pour your feelings out to the chair and then switch chairs and try to justify for the other person. If you can feel any sort of empathy, the negative emotions associated will begin to recede and you will feel better.
3. Calm the fight or flight reaction- the emotions of hurt and trauma will come back in waves and it’s your natural reaction to be in a fight or flight mode. Stanford Forgiveness Project psychologist, Frederic Luskin, says that when these waves come back use stress management techniques such as deep breathing and meditation, if those don’t work the problem may need more attention.
4. Keep trying- Forgiveness isn’t something that can be achieved immediately or without some effort. The more you try and the more you acknowledge it the closer you get to forgiving the person who hurt you. And, as important as therapy is with a psychologist, having your own personal persistence is just not, if not more important.

So, although this year and these past couple weeks have been difficult, find time to forgive those around you who have hurt you. Do it for yourself and do it for those around you. And don’t be afraid to take as much time as you need because not matter the situation you are allowed to feel that way. Don’t ever apologize for how you feel.

J.M

Gold, Sunny Sea. "How to Be a Better Forgiver." Scientific American. N.p., 05 Oct. 2016. Web. 13 Nov. 2016.